


oh, but your love is such a swamp

by hexagonal



Category: One Piece
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-12 07:19:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4470269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hexagonal/pseuds/hexagonal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things were much easier when the captain of the Strawhats was just another legend - one that didn't cry over his dead brother or talk to Law about the loneliness in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	oh, but your love is such a swamp

**Author's Note:**

> ah yes, baby's first published fic, and it's this short little train wreck. one piece is bad and trafalgar law honestly needs a hug

Trafalgar Law is tired.  
  
He's on his way to Dressrosa, on Strawhat's cheerful little ship, with a crew that seems to love the dreams of mad captains and each other so much that they don't think they could ever lose. Every time he sees a happy family, Law is reminded sharply of how grief never really goes away.  
  
He wishes he could sleep.  
  
He stumbles blearily out onto the deck of the Thousand Sunny. The waves are quiet, and he can see the weak light of stars where clouds haven't consumed them. He paces his breathing, letting the chilly nighttime air seep into his lungs. Longer on the exhale than the inhale - he needs to be calm.  
  
When he thinks that he can blink without seeing a bird cage every time his eyes close, he starts to pace around the deck. Or, well, pace would be too generous a word in motion to describe it. Law is slow, deliberate. Focusing only on what is real, what is here. There are no gunshots ringing out. There are no corpses in the snow. There is only the gentle creaking of the ship and the rushing of the waves. There are wood planks beneath his feet and a sword's weight on his back.  
  
There is… A figure on the Sunny's masthead.  
  
Law slows his movements until he has stopped by the silly lionhead. That is Straw Hat, which is unnerving for two reasons. First and foremost is that Law had never expected the exuberant captain to be anything other than the obnoxiously sleeping dead at night. The second is that he is taking deep, shuddering breaths, shivers wracking his body.  
  
Law hates himself for being a doctor, for being unprecedentedly fond, for knowing trauma painfully intimately.  
  
He awkwardly climbs up the masthead.  
  
"Strawhat-ya," he says. He should be walking away right now. This is not his place, this is not his grief. He is crouching a little distance away, unsure of whether or not Straw Hat would welcome his presence.  
  
Rubber arms stretch over to where he is, wrapping him up tight, before he is bodily dragged over until the other captain is practically in his lap, face shoved into the feathers lining his coat.  
  
Law cannot quite make out what Strawhat is trying to say through his off-kilter gasps. Law lets himself take small comfort in the fact that the other captain is not crying. He already feels unsure and out of place squeezed in Strawhat's arms.  
  
"Ace," Strawhat forces out, the word too tired to sound like a wail. "Ace, Ace, Ace," he says, a litany of wounded losses.  
  
Ah, Law thinks. Of course.  
  
Death always does feel like the ultimate betrayal. (It's snowing, and he imagines that he can feel Corazon's blood seeping through the wood of the treasure chest, why is he in here, why isn't he out there, why can no one hear him screaming?)  
  
"I'm sorry," Law says. He awkwardly rubs one hand up and down Strawhat's back. "Your brother is dead." Law cringes inwardly - that much is obvious. He pins another item onto the list of things Doflamingo stole from him, things he never got to live through, and this time it's "comfort - recipient or giver or otherwise".  
  
Strawhat doesn't say anymore, just keeps breathing like he's running out of air and squeezing Law as if he's the only thing keeping him from drowning. Law squeezes back, a little. He's been abandoned too.  
  
Eventually, Strawhat's breathing evens out. He's still sniffling, and his eyes are bright, but he can breathe without sounding like he's dying. Law wonders if he can see accusation in the rubber man's eyes. Law thinks he might deserve to. What use is a doctor who lets one life slip away, while leaving the other behind?  
  
"Torao," Strawhat says slowly, as if his lips must relearn any word that isn't his brother's name.  
  
Law doesn't bother correcting him. Now is not the time or place. "Yes," he says instead. "I'm here."  
  
"Yeah," is Strawhat's only response. He still hasn't let go of Law, has snuggled in closer if that's even possible, so Law just sits very, very still and feels very, very tired.  
  
"Why isn't Torao asleep?" Strawhat asks, and Law is almost possessed by the urge to laugh hysterically. Why isn't he asleep, asks the man having a panic attack underneath pale, shimmering stars.  
  
"Can't sleep," is all he says. He doesn't know why he adds what he does next, but he thinks that it's maybe because Strawhat gets it. After Marineford and all. "I keep seeing it happen when I close my eyes."  
  
"Oh." There's a pause as Strawhat stares intently at Law's face. "I dream about it." And Law knows that the "it"s they're talking about are completely different, yet one and the same.  
  
They're quiet for a bit, and it's funny. It really is quiet in his head now. No more gunshots or last words or dying. Just - just two fucked up captains, trying to breathe.  
  
"Hey, Torao."  
  
Law grunts in acknowledgement.  
  
"Do you ever wonder if it's worth it?"  
  
Confused grunt.  
  
"Loving, that is."  
  
Ah. Fuck.  
  
Law wants to say "no", but that might be too cruel for this dreamy-eyed, world-changing man. And, who knows? It might be different for Strawhat. Maybe he's got what it takes to survive love.  
  
"Torao?" And shit, does he really have to answer?  
  
"I don't know," Law says. He doesn't look Strawhat in the eye.  
  
Strawhat is contemplative for a moment, before tugging on Law's cheek until the doctor gives up and looks.  
  
"I think it is. I just have to be strong enough so that no one I love will ever die," he says, like it's the simplest thing in the world. Law is so weary, hearing "the weak don't get to choose how they die" play again and agian in his mind, that he almost misses the next part. He still doesn't know if it's a good thing he didn't. "But the people I love have to be strong too, so don't you die on me, Law. I won't forgive you like I did with Ace."  
  
And Law feels like someone has just punched him in the stomach, or as if he is falling from a very great height, or maybe both at once. How is he supposed to answer that? How is he supposed to answer that when revenge is the only thing keeping him upright, when most of him expects to die alongside Doflamingo? He's reeling, reeling from the implications of what Strawhat has just said, and he blames that shock on the words that slip out of his mouth next.  
  
"You called me Law." His voice sounds so flat, but so small. Painfully young to his own ears.  
  
"You have to promise," and Strawhat has his hands on Law's face, pulling him down until their foreheads are touching and Law feels like Strawhat's gaze is going to burn him up. Law can't promise, he can't - there isn't anything _after_ revenge, there is only "Doflamingo is dead" and "Cora is dead" and "I died in Flevance many, many years ago and then again in a little wooden chest, and I have never been alive ever since".  
  
"Law," Strawhat - Luffy - is saying. "Torao," and Strawhat is so close that Law's names are being whispered against his lips. And Law can't help it in the end, doesn't think anyone could, not in the face of Monkey D. Luffy, whose crew would cut down the moon for him and whose determination could cow the greatest of kings.  
  
"Okay," Law gets out. His voice sounds wet, which is strange because he doesn't cry, hasn't cried since that winter night years ago. "I-I promise." God, that hurts. God, Law is so screwed, he can't do this, he doesn't know how to live, he doesn't know -  
  
Luffy presses forward just a bit more, so that he is giving Law a chaste kiss. Once he draws away, he says "good" matter-of-factly, as if that was that. "You'll see, Torao. You'll live."  
  
Strawhat squirms around so that his back is pressed to Law's chest, and he tilts his head back and breathes in deep. He's asleep in a matter of seconds, and Law suddenly feels like he could follow suit, only seeing familiar darkness when he closes his eyelids instead of his past.  
  
Law falls asleep wondering if he's not a walking corpse after all and whether or not Strawhat knows how warm he is in Law's arms.


End file.
